We are all struggling…

In a world where everyone wants to be different, special, and unique it’s no surprise that when you talk to someone about your struggle with metal health you are often met with the one upper. If you tell someone you were diagnosed with Bipolar, they will tell you they have borderline personality disorder AND social anxiety. The next person will say “Well I suffer from depression, anxiety, PTSD, OCD,and…”. At what point did being mentally ill become a competition of who has it worse? who has the most diagnosed illness? and who can get the most sympathy?

Actually in my experience I have come a across a ton of people who use their mental illness as an excuse to treat others badly, and even worse to stay feeling sick, because they like the attention it gets them. I mean let’s face it you don’t get nearly as much sympathy or attention when your living your best life and thriving, we would rather hear about the train wreck of a life your living. Sure this doesn’t apply to everyone and there are a great amount of people who are on their own personal journey to getting better, but unfortunately they are the few and far between it seems.

Well for those who think their mental (or chronic) illness list makes them “special” here comes the dose of reality that you probably aren’t going to like to hear. You’re not that special! Illness is not unique! In fact its on the rise and according to statistics you’re part of the majority of the population being treated. Actually its those who have achieved high levels of health and wellness that are “Special” and “unique”, how often do you find someone who can say there is nothing wrong with them?

Listen we all have issues, and (here’s the part people get really mad at). Your mental illness is all in your head, quite literally, and if you really wanted to you could beat it and feel better. Still here? Congrats, you’re not one of the easily offended, and I will now share my story on healing mental health.

For as long as I can remember I was extremely emotional and moody. I chalked it up to being a Cancer on the cusp of Gemini, and therefor ruled by the moon and my intuition or whatever. Then young adulthood happened and welcomed in the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde phase my life. Working in bars, drinking, drugs, sex, rebellion and drama. Then hit 21 and pregnant, postpartum depression, and not too far off from this moment in my life followed the psychiatric visits and the beginning of over a decade of confusion.

In 2007 I received my first diagnosis of bipolar type II, and began a regime of anti psychotics, anticonvulsants, antidepressants, sleep meds, tranquilizers and so on. Nothing seemed to work for very long and the side effects, in my opinion, were worse than the symptoms. By 2011, after an emergency room visit for suicide attempt, I was told I wasn’t bipolar but instead I was Borderline personality disorder. It was this diagnosis that started my search for answers. What is it, what causes it, how is it treated.

As it turns out most, if not all, mental illness can be classified as either behavioural or chemical. The behavioural conditions mean you can teach yourself (through therapy) to change your reactions and behaviours in triggering situations; if you can discover and acknowledge your triggers. The chemical ones are due to an imbalance in the brain and can be treated through changing brain chemistry. Brain chemistry can be altered pharmaceutically but with a chance of side effects, or nutritionally. Even cognitive therapy you can alter hormone levels and cause changes in brain chemicals and form new neurological pathways. Learning this blew my mind! You mean I can change my brain chemicals by eating better and practicing that crazy “positive affirmation” stuff I hear about?

Yep! Down the rabbit hole I fell. I started experimenting on myself through changes in diet, as well as I started reading books about Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). Unfortunately the wait lists for these programs are ridiculously long and I wasn’t going to wait to feel better, so I started doing the work myself.

In 2019 I was living in a new city and looking for a new family doctor. When I found one he recommended I do a new psych evaluation because my file was pretty thick and he is not familiar with my psychological diagnosis. Truthfully I was hesitant. I had been off all medications and doing fairly well for over 2 years, and I feared seeing a psychologist would mean yet another diagnosis to add to the list, but I agreed and went to see his psychiatrist. When I went to the appointment my file listed me as being diagnosed with: Bipolar type II, Borderline personality disorder, social anxiety, PTSD, major depressive disorder, and dissociation.

The psych assessment lasted over 2 hours, and to my surprise I didn’t get emotional or cry when talking about things that used to trigger me. Let’s also keep in mind I am still an emotional being who can’t get through the evening news without crying, so this was a big thing for me. I went through what I believed to be my biggest insecurities, by most traumatic events, and I ripped open every scar I had to give him the most accurate picture of where I started to where I was and how I got there.

At the end of this assessment he said to me “well first off I believe you were misdiagnosed bipolar, and secondly my professional opinion is that you no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for any of your previous illness’s” I was blown away! I mean I knew I felt better, I knew I was in a good place, but I always felt like there was this darkness lurking in the background. He explained that from a medical standpoint I would be considered “in remission”. I of course asked if I could have his report in writing, and he did actually provide me a copy of it.

Over the span of 8 years I have studied nutrition and it’s effects on physical and mental health and disease to the point I can now call myself a “nutritionist”. I’ve tried every diet trend out there, and I continue to learn. Through my own research, and my own trials on myself I have learned first hand that there is a direct link from the foods we eat, the toxins we are exposed to and the mental illnesses we struggle with. Now I can’t claim to know the “cure” and I can’t claim that “I am 100% healed” through nutrition and cognitive therapy. All I know is how I feel as a result of the changes I made and share this story with you. I am not a Doctor and I can’t offer medical advice but I can strongly recommend that you ask questions, and seek out a holistic practitioner. There is a root cause for everything!

Your mental health is not a life sentence or set in stone, and if you truly want to feel better then you can! Being well and being healthy mentally is the new “unique” in a world filled with illness and excuses.